Asking for help is not always easy. Some fear they are bothersome or that they appear ignorant. Others just don’t know how to ask or think they can solve the problem in their own way even after working on a problem for hours without progress. Unfortunately, all of these reasons stem from the inability to know how or when to ask for assistance. This issue is a critical problem for students. When students don’t ask, they don’t receive help, so they can become frustrated and fall behind. 

Asking for help is a way for students to manage the problems they encounter. They are essentially gathering data to help respond to a problem they need to solve. This skill is needed throughout life. Although young children usually rarely encounter problems asking for help, students entering middle school are more concerned with what peers think, so they are less likely to ask questions. They fear looking foolish, so some would rather copy homework than ask for help. It’s important to remind students that usually when one student has a question at least three others have the same question. Classmates can feel relief when one student finally asks the question everyone else needs to ask. 

Learning how to self-advocate should be taught in the early years. Yet, students at any age can learn how to ask for help. They must believe in a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset. A growth mindset is the belief that with hard work and perseverance anything can be accomplished. A fixed mindset is the belief that a person is either naturally good or naturally bad at a specific skill. Changing students’ attitude about their ability to learn not only helps with learning how to ask for help, but it is also motivational for students as they learn new skills. 

With so many students working online and essentially on their own to solve problems, it’s important to have reliable resources where students can go for help. When students are attending school face-to-face, they must first understand that the teacher is there to help them. Even with this understanding, some students are too shy or introverted to seek help, so parents should actually role play how to ask questions to their teacher. Speaking to adults and in front of peers can be stressful, but with role playing and encouragement, students may begin to feel more comfortable asking for help. Parents can provide sentence starters such as: “I’m struggling with ___, would you help?” Or, “I’m not sure what I need, but I don’t understand ___.” 

Students must also learn to recognize that they need help. This recognition requires self-reflection and honesty. Some students remain in denial about their needs despite poor grades on assessments. Parents can monitor students’ progress and encourage self-reflection. Ask questions about study strategies and preparation. If students receive poor grades, it is a good time to discuss how they prepared for the test or project. These conversations will help students be honest about their needs. 

Students must believe in their overall ability to succeed. With this belief, they are more likely to speak up and ask for assistance. Asking for help is a skill needed throughout life, so the earlier kids can begin practicing and recognizing the need for help, the sooner they will benefit from asking.